Can Your Partner’s Mental Health Affect Your Relationship?
When someone is struggling with their mental health, those close to them may suffer too. Family members and friends, employers, employees, and co-workers, especially spouses or partners who often spend day-to-day with the sufferer can often see their relationship suffer as a result.
Mental illness may affect the sufferer in ways that may lead to misunderstandings, conflict and emotional distance within relationships.
Here are some examples and tips on what to do when your partner is struggling with their mental health.
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This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a mental health condition. If you think you or someone you know might be suffering from any mental health conditions, please seek help from a licensed clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.
Avoidance Behaviours
Avoidance behaviors are any actions that a person takes to escape difficult emotions and thoughts. Avoidance behaviors can include isolating and avoiding social interactions, drug use, overeating, gambling, or ‘stonewalling’, where a person simply refuses to communicate with others.
Individuals suffering from anxiety disorders sometimes resort to avoidance behaviors so they don’t have to experience the unpleasant emotions aroused by conflict, or because they do not want to confront uncomfortable truths about themselves or the relationship.
People who engage in avoidance behaviors often deprive themselves of authentic intimacy and cut themselves off from new experiences and adventures.
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According to counselor Katharina Star, “The key to overcoming avoidance behaviors is to continue to slowly face what you are avoiding until it no longer has such a grip on you.”
You can help your partner to reduce their maladaptive avoidance by helping them to identify the type of situations that trigger their anxiety and asking them to share their fears with you.
For example, if you and your anxious partner are attending a large social event that they would normally avoid, talk beforehand about what you can do if they start to feel too uncomfortable. If there is no improvement despite your efforts, seek help from a couples counselor to facilitate communication between you and your partner.
According to psychologist Dave Thornsen, “Avoidance when it comes to potential conflict is a primary reason that many couples have communication problems. Some aspects of your relationship may require an impartial third party who has an expert's view.”
Mood Swings
Mood swings are a common symptom of conditions such as manic depression, but even without an underlying mental condition, mood swings can throw many people and their relationships off balance. While it is normal for everyone to be sullen or cantankerous from time to time, living with a partner who has frequent and extreme mood swings – due to causes such as manic depression, depression, hormonal fluctuations, hunger, physical illnesses such as diabetes or lack of sleep for instance – can be jarring and tiresome.
If you find that you are struggling with your partner’s unpredictable and unpleasant moods, physician and author Alex Lickerman suggests identifying your own emotional responses to your partner’s behaviours and attitudes, taking responsibility for your reactions, then developing strategies ahead of time to deal with your partner’s volatile mood shifts.
“Find a place of equanimity while your partner is in a bad mood,” says Lickerman. “That may mean you need to take some emotional – or even physical – distance from them. A bad mood in someone else represents an opportunity to exercise your compassion.”
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Depression
Clinical depression – where the sufferer experiences hopelessness, sadness, lethargy, loss of interest in food, sex or daily activities, irritability, reckless behavior, trouble focusing and thoughts of suicide – can wreak havoc on your relationship and leave you feeling upset, overwhelmed and drained. If you are currently in a relationship with someone that is a new mom, notice if there are changes in their mood since giving birth - it may be possible that they are suffering from postpartum depression.
In her book, “When Depression Hurts Your Relationship: How to Regain Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner When You're Depressed”, psychologist Shannon Kolakowski describes depression as “a master manipulator” that distorts one’s perception of life and relationships.
According to Kolawski, depression makes it difficult for partners to connect and creates doubts about the union in the mind of the depressed individual.
To support your partner who may be suffering from depression, learn more about depression and mental health conditions and symptoms.
Let them know you are there for them and willing to listen if they want to share their struggles. You can also help them by encouraging healthy habits such as eating well, taking walks outdoors, or going to bed and rising at an appropriate time.
Psychotherapist Katie Hurley says you can also help them by setting and acknowledging small goals and achievements.
Breaking down large tasks (i.e. applying to new jobs) into smaller tasks (i.e. update resume, write a cover letter, research available openings) can help them take small steps toward returning to normal daily activities.
Your partner is likely to improve with treatment, but you will need to practice patience and understanding when working through a depressive episode,” says Hurley. Most importantly, you should gently encourage your partner to seek professional help and perhaps even couples counselling to deal with this challenging mental illness.
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This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a mental health condition. If you think you or someone you know might be suffering from any mental health conditions, please seek help from a licensed clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.
Sources:
Star, Katharina. “Put an End to Panic-Related Avoidance.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 26 Mar. 2020, www.verywellmind.com/how-to-reduce-your-panic-related-avoidance-behaviors-2584148.
Cotton, Jess. “How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner -.” The Book of Life, 4 Mar. 2019, www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/how-to-cope-with-an-avoidant-partner/.
Ricker, Melissa. “6 Ways To Approach Your Partner's Volatile Mood Swings.” A Conscious Rethink, 6 Apr. 2020, www.aconsciousrethink.com/4252/6-ways-approach-partners-volatile-mood-swings/.
“How To Manage Your Partner's Bad Moods.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 9 June 2013, www.psychologytoday.com/hk/blog/happiness-in-world/201306/how-manage-your-partners-bad-moods.
“Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs.” HelpGuide.org, 6 Apr. 2020, www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-symptoms-and-warning-signs.htm.
Hurley, Katie. “6 Ways to Help Your Husband or Wife Deal with Depression.” Psycom.net - Mental Health Treatment Resource Since 1986, www.psycom.net/help-partner-deal-with-depression/.